~NEW YEARS EVE~

Well its here again... and i think this time I'm looking forward to the change (at least the date)!!
Its been a really short year though , busy trying to settle in with all the changes in my life.
Most are really welcome changes and some are unavoidable but I'm taking all in stride. I did a real age test over the last few days and sorry to say I need to cut out the stress & Major B.S. in my life if I want to be closer to my real age and not ten years ahead of myself.....
This means I will also be adding more love & laughter to my equation.So if you know a great joke or a helpful saying Please let me know....
*************HAPPY NEW YEAR***********

Friend's...

I have to tell you the truth, i've been a bad friend. Not intentional mind you, just overworked with
my new Life & the changes it seems to bring. I usto do what i wanted when i wanted and that was me...not now. Ive found that people mean well when they say they want to help with mom & give me some time off...but it never happens and im good with that too.Im doing the new year right and doing it for me again.Im the only one in control of this ,and im a big girl now so watch out!
I will go & do what i want ,when i "CAN" and i'll live with that for now.
I will meet a nice friend to keep me company and i'll complete the things i want to get done.Life isn't over at 50 and im living proof of that! my life is just turning a page(a better one) and im in
it for the long hall!! I love my friend's who understand,understand my friend's who have moved on & can't wait to see whats in store for me in the year to come...
and thats all i have to say except "THANK YOU TO HANNA"@ linkages for all her help & the great hook-ups with respite!your the bomb!
talk soon

~BRING ON THE NEWYEAR~

i haven't blogged in a while,i've been busy and to be honest a little uninspierd at the moment.
Its hard to keep mom happy and when no one showed up for the holidays it hurt her alot...me too. What do you do? everyone is busy or broke or just not in the mood this year.They seem to forget that x-mas is a time for family & friends. My family is so caught up in there daily stuff they just don't want to make the effort to get together...sad
Mom & I made the best of it with a tree & a huge Ham for dinner.hahaha it wasn't that bad,we were warm & we were together...isn't that what matters?!

~On The Fence~

This entry is about a dream i had and what thoughts it provoked in me most of the day today...
I watched a movie called "Iris" while i got Christmas cards together for mom to sign. It was about a woman loosing her memory and her beloved mate trying his best to understand.It made me feel like he wasn't living his own life/reality...and she didn't or couldn't get him to see that.
They went thought" it " together...All the long days , all the sleepless nights...together. I
can relate to so much of that and see myself in that man.I'm a daughter helping my mother to remember and enjoy as much together as I can. I started thinking about when i was a little girl and my Mom & grandma would take my sister & I to this big mall at christmas and let us ride the merry-go-round.I'd pretend the horses were real and mom had to grab me off sometimes because I wouldn't budge!I grew-up with never having been to the same school for more then a year, so i really didn't have many friends and my 'Gma,Mom & sister were all I knew really...Mom was sick alot & we were rotated between parents .Some sad shit at times.
I recall me & mom going ice skating and she was great on the ice ,but today she couldn't remember ever skating at all...its like it was yesterday to me.I question my memory now and again,but more now then ever I just hold fast to whats in my own heart & mind .
Its my reality damb-it...Right!?

"LISTEN AND REMEMBER"

I've been wondering lately what my mom remembers about me as a little girl, what my voice was like...what my play toy's were, ect. It started out with me thinking about my daughter & son and what they were like when they were growing up. My daughter was always singing and laughing and liked strawberry shortcake...My son liked to build things and take things apart(hes a engineer). His voice was always deep and clear.We snuggled alot and watched movies together.
My daughters voice was like mine with a funny little squeek at the end of a sentence. she always liked to travel and dress up like a rock star.
My mom says she remembers me always outside in the garden by myself with a cat or bug ,always talking to them like they were able to understand me(i still do that to this day!)
My Son is out of collage now and lives his own life but i still wish we were closer like befor he grew up...And my daughter and i are closer now then when she was little .
I guess what im getting at is life goes by so fast its important to "LISTEN" as much as possible...and "REMEMBER" while you can , cause "ALZHEIMER'S" takes it all away.............

Back in the saddle again

Thanksgiving is now over & i'm back home from a fantastic visit with my Father & his wife Joy.
they are so good to my sister & I at the holliday's (and everyother day of the year)...It was a break i needed and the best part was my pearl came to watch her grandmother and she cooked the hole spread by herself!!! kudos for her!!Everything still tasted great when i got home 2 days later!
She left for home today and things are slowly getting back to normal with mom & me. I tried to not think of to much when i left on that plane to las Vegas...I saw the new "Bond" movie & even hit the macy"s after thanksgiving sale while i was there...( i need to get back on that diet)nothing like trying on clothes in a bright dressing room to get you motivated again!! hahahaha
Its December 1st. The Year sure is coming to a close quick.On top of all that ill be 50...
With that ill close for the day